Puddle of Pollution

My love fell short when I wanted you, and I really don’t even like to reflect on it. You’re out of my reach now. None of those feelings I had can be mimicked or remade, and they had all amplified with time. I drowned my heart in all the emotions I had for you, and I drained my spirit with notions of you and I. My thoughts ruined the art of my feelings, and I cradled your shadow. I wrapped myself in fallacies of you and began to create an “us”. I was disgusted with my desperation and I envied your freedom. Then, everything heightened when you left. I remember dreaming and wishing I could stay asleep longer because I knew I could see you there. My dreams enveloped everything I wanted, well usually the beginning of it. When you were here, your eyes spoke as if you knew, and it drew me closer and threw me away as well. I was so perplexed and fascinated by you. You had me. You made me question who I was, and I wanted to separate myself from you because of that confusion, that power, and that untamed desire. Dammit, you had me, and I was so lost about you. All of my fallacies accumulated and overwhelmed me to the point where I just stood still and crumbled. It was a first, and it made me simultaneously feel everything and nothing at the same time.

You taught me everything I know about my feelings but I never want to feel that again.